There aren’t enough hours in the day. Or are there too many? “You have the same number of hours in the day as Beyonce.” Yeah… except the two hours spent cooking, the 2 spent washing clothes, 1 spent bathing my kids… you get it. Your average person (let alone mother) does not have the same time table as Queen B. I had recently found that I had been filling a whole ‘lotta my time with things that I hated. I mean, I am responsible for the livelihood of three other people so sometimes it comes with the territory. But other times… I was just ignoring simple things that would help make me, myself and I happy.
I don’t know why I was doing some of these “normal” things that all moms do but also hate. I mean, momming is hard enough without filling my days with additional mundane and unnecessary tasks. So one day… I stopped doing them. Just to make myself happy. And it’s been glorious.
1. Cleaning My House for Every Single Person That Plans To Stop By For Two Minutes.
Seriously, why did I do this to myself for so long? Is anybody really fooled into believing that a mom of three always has a clean house? I mean, I’m sure said moms exist… but I’m definitely not one of them. I actually think the whole super cleaning the house for company thing is really stupid. “We can’t let people know that we live how we actually live!” Did you come to see me? Or did you come to look at my stuff? I don’t have stuff for you to look at, do you have a small child? Bring them. I have LOTS of stuff for them to look at.
For some moms, cleaning brings them joy. They feel better when everything is in its place and they feel like they’ve owned the day. But for most of the moms that I know, cleaning is a daunting task that leaves us feeling inadequate at the end of the day. Like all of the other roles we filled that day fall by the wayside thanks to our messy kitchens. And it just isn’t so.
I officially refuse to be ashamed of our average mess any longer. I’ve been in many-a-mom’s home… all the messes are pretty standard; lots of toys, laundry, and cracker crumbs. You’re not alone. You’re not a worse housewife than any of the rest of us. We all just do this thing where we go on a cleaning rampage before our kidless friends or acquaintances come over. I will partake in said tradition no longer!
2. Folding My Kids’ Pajamas.
WHY. Why do we do this? My kids literally morph into creatures with shovels for hands when they go through their drawers. Any amount of folding is a complete waste of my time.
I would abandon folding all together but it drives me crazy when their shirts are all wrinkled up. But I haven’t completely written off the idea either. Stay tuned.
3. Not Wearing Makeup On Days That “It’s A Waste” Because I Didn’t Go Anywhere
I used to be of the mentality that wearing my good makeup for no reason was “wasting it.” It’s a thought process I’m still fighting. But now I wear what I want to wear, when I want to wear it, whether I’m going out or not. I mean, I wear it for me even when I go out, so why shouldn’t I wear it for myself at home?
I pretty much live in CC Cream these days, and my favorite is the It Cosmetics CC Cream and it’s like $40 a tube or something. I was trying not to use it on days when I didn’t do anything “fancy.” But forget that, I’m fancy for myself everyday.
4. Apologizing When I Don’t Mean It
Moms apologize ALOT. Sometimes I think it just falls out of our mouthes for no good reason. “Sorry the house is a mess,” see number 1. I’m not sorry… we live here. “I’m sorry that my child is crying,” I also hope that I can remedy the situation quickly… but it’s not very likely that I owe you an apology. “I’m sorry I can’t come.” Again… not sorry. I’d come if I really wanted to… but going places with three kids is hard sometimes.
Why do we do this? Somehow we’ve reduced ourselves to some kind of inconvenience to the world while we do the hardest job the world has to offer. Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong and you mean it is just good manners. Doing it because your three year old has a meltdown over their sock feeling funny…not manners. You’re doing your best and you (and your child) are allowed to exist in public too.
5. Feeling Guilty About Going to the Gym
I don’t do a lot of things for myself (like most moms.) And for many years one of my excuses for missing out on the gym was that it was just more time (on top of work and school) that I’d spend away from my kids. It made me feel guilty. But I’ve decided that my being healthy and energized is also of value to them, even if it means my spending an extra hour or so away from them. I’ve been going strong for since April! (yas bitch.)
Also… it feels pretty good when one random morning your husband says to you “honey, your butt workouts are working.” I laughed… but also wore tight pants that day. 😉
Just changing my thought processes around things that stressed me daily has made me such a happier person. It literally affects no one but me if I do these things or not. Lucky for me, my husband is the easier-going of the two of us, so he just rolls with the punches (whatever crazy punches I’m throwing that week.)
So if you’d like to come visit, you’re welcome anytime! But my house probably won’t be spotless, my kids pajamas will be wrinkled but my skin will look bomb thanks to my CC Cream… and I won’t be apologizing for it either.
NUMBER ONE. I am SO bad about it, but it stresses me out to have a ‘dirty’ home when people come over – especially with dog hair!
I loved this. This explains how I have been feeling. I’ve started to just realize, I have a toddler who is a boy and they are destructive. Sometimes I’m like, why do I keep making his bed when he is just going to mess it up when he gets home from school, or why do I bother to put toys away in the afternoon, if he is just going to get them right back out in 5 minutes? LoL I swear sometimes I’m going crazy. I love that you said your house may be messy, because really…does anyone with children really have a spotless house 100% of the time….I’m not sure…but I sure don’t. Great post 🙂
https://itiswellwithmysoul741.wordpress.com/blog-2/
Yes! The makeup thing I seriously resonate with. I love doing my makeup but feel like it is a waste of time and product if I put it on for lazing around the house. But it makes me feel good about myself to put it on. I’d like to do that more.
I’m with you on not wearing makeup on days where I don’t go anywhere – it gives my skin a break and saves me time.
I literally don’t clean every time someone comes over because it’s stressful. Wearing makeup when you don’t need to is the best feeling. I love giving my skin some time to breathe.
High five on this!!! I love, “I’m fancy for myself”, LOL! Agreed! So freeing to let go of the expectations and just do you Boo! ; ) There has been plenty of those things, like feeling like my house has to be perfect for a friend that pops over, that I’ve let go myself. Feels fantastic and any friend that’s judging the pile of legos on the floor clearly doesn’t have kids or isn’t a real friend, so whatever for them!
I totally agree with the first one especially! Within two minutes of the house being spotless, my toddler has pulled everything back out again anyway. People stopping by know that I have a toddler, so if they don’t understand a little mess than it’s their problem!
Yes to all of these especially number one.
Belle | One Awesome Momma
I LOVE THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #1 and #2 is totally me! And I’m opposite about makeup. I used to think that I HAD to wear it no matter whether I was staying home or going out but now I’ve given myself permission not to wear it… Even if it’s a day I’m going out! It’s so freeing! Moms (and all women) need to do what’s right for THEM in the makeup realm, not what others think they should do! <3
I love this! At the end of the day, we just need to learn that we’ll be happier when we live life for ourselves and our own families than if we try to conform to some perceived societal expectation. Way to go, you!
I love this! I hate how much we do to keep appearances. For me I felt like for a long time I needed to wear make up, but I hated the time it took. I have had so much less stress since I quit worrying about it. If I want to wear make up I wear it, if I don’t wear it I don’t feel guilty about it.
Girl, I love this post and I’m totally sharing it! I totally relate to all of this! Way to go!
I love this because anyone can relate to it. There are a ton of small things we need to move past in order to bring more happiness in our lives and I love that you have found what those things are.
YEEES to all of this! I’m totally with you mama! It took me a long time to join the gym, and now it’s been two years, and I love having that time to myself a few times a week! And I NEVER fold anything, ever lol, I just hang all the shirts in my kids closet!
I have to clean the house, but it gets cleaned (like counters scrubbed, floors swept and mopped, beds made, everything picked up) every.single.day. BUT! That’s because it is something that makes me happy and more calm as a mom. I do not judge anyone else for prioritizing differently. I love the idea of not folding pjs. That is something I could get into!
Yes, yes, so much yes to all of this! The pj thing is something I realized recently too… and underwear. Why should I fold underwear?
Love it! I write about unnecessary apologizing a lot — it’s so important we take a step back and think before we do it. Why are we apologizing? Are we truly sorry or do we just ‘feel bad’ about something we really shouldn’t? That, and cleaning your house for a quick drop-in – no need! lol
I couldn’t agree more the the idea of apologizing when you do not mean it. Such a weight can be lifted when we stop doing things for others and take care of ourselves. Great tips to accomplish this.
GIRL YOU PREACH! You WEAR that makeup, no matter what your day looks like. I had to learn that too – I used to think that if I was going no where, I should play with my expensive makeup, but I bought that makeup to wear and I’m going to wear it no matter WHAT!
What a great post! I really like this, and it gave me a lot to think about. What AM I doing that I don’t really need to be doing? Or feeling guilty about? What can I cut out to make my life happier! I love it!
One thing that I’ve done, which I know will be controversial, is that I’ve stopped clicking into the news (I don’t watch t.v., so the Internet is my main source). I find that I almost always feel worse after reading more about what’s going on, and I still DO hear about big, important things that have happened—but I’m not experiencing major anxiety over them by giving my brain more details to worry over. I know that for a lot of people, they wouldn’t agree with my choice, but as a highly sensitive person, it’s kind of become a must in order for me to keep my sanity and my overall positivity!
https://toloveandtolearn.com
This is great! I especially love the makeup part. When I first started staying home, I said to myself I would still get ready everyday because it made ME feel good!
This list is AMAZING!!!!
Love this! I’m opposite about makeup – lately I’m letting myself not feel bad if I DON’T wear it before going anywhere. Easier said than done. But YES on the cleaning stuff!! This is how we live. Haha.