The Last First Day

Well it has finally arrived! My last semester of undergrad, ever. This Thursday (yes, FGCU starts their semesters in the middle of the week now???) I will walk into a sea of unknown faces for the last time. Okay, by now I know a few faces, but it certainly is nothing like the original/traditional university experience.

Also… did I mention that I only have to take TWO classes?! HELLLLOOOOOO part time student status. (Insert Cool-Dude-Sunglass-Wearing-Emoji here.)

I can’t even begin to describe my elation when it comes to closing this chapter, one that I had intended on finishing… I don’t know, 4ish years ago? It might have made more sense to give up back then. College is ridiculously expensive, and balancing college while having 2 kids (and Zoey wasn’t even quite 2 yet when I went back) is off the charts kind of expensive. Sometimes I even ask myself why I did it. My job has great advancement opportunities, with plenty of opportunity to make well above average salaries… but I just had to do it anyway.

Motherhood requires that you give up alllll kinds of parts of yourself. And for the most part, mothers do it willingly. But for me, there are just some things that I refuse to sacrifice for anyone. A college education was one of those things. For me, the sacrifices that I am making now, will disrupt the chain of young and undereducated women in my immediately family. Having an educated mother changes statistical tendencies for Zoey by leaps and bounds. I’ve written a bit about this before, in this post here. So in a way, being a mother has fueled my educational fire in a way that nothing else ever has. Some days, this simple fact has been all that I needed.

Don’t get me wrong, some of my intentions were purely selfish as well. I probably have an inappropriate amount of my self worth tied up in achieving my degree. Most likely because it’s something that I gave up solely based on my second pregnancy when I was 21. Completing my degree is something that I need to do for myself. Even if I have one of those degrees that doesn’t have an express lane to my career (Political Science) haha. I know plenty of people who spent years of their lives studying something they didn’t like, and ended up quitting their jobs in that field because they hated it so much. To each their own, but I never would have made it this far if I wasn’t studying something that I find profoundly fascinating. Law school is the obvious next step for most of the people that I’ll be graduating with, butttt we’ll just have to see about that one.

I am beyond excited to take on my last semester as an undergraduate, a wife, and a once young mother. I am so proud of myself for making it this far. I’ve always had big dreams, and sometimes motherhood makes you feel either guilty for having them, or like they are suddenly unattainable. I still have those feelings, but it feels really good to shut that voice up every once in a while.

Because sometimes the promises that you make to yourself are the most important ones you make.