Today was a hard day.
Today I woke up early, not my favorite. But I had to be at work before you even wake up. You were asleep in my bed. You crawled in and woke me up in the middle of the night, as you do most nights lately.
You woke up while I was rushing to get ready, and you begged me to lay back down with you. I hate it when I feel guilty for leaving. Plus, your daddy never matches your shoes to your outfit, and I know it’s silly… but I feel better when you match at school.
I still wasn’t feeling so hot at work today.
I didn’t have enough gas in my car to make it all the way to campus today, so I had to get some on the way, and then I was late for class.
I was sick on Tuesday, so I was unaware that we would be having debates in my favorite class and so I was obviously super unprepared. NOT my favorite class today. I hate questioning my intelligence, as I spend a lot of time exercising my brain….exhausting my brain.
There was so much traffic in the parking garage after that particularly horrible class, that I was never going to make to your daycare in time to pick you up. So I panicked and called your dad, and whined about how I was doomed to be a failure because my plate is so overwhelmingly full that sometimes the Grand Canyon seems small.
But our friend picked you guys up for me. And you got to jump on the trampoline while you waited for me. You didn’t mind at all, but I did.
I hate the days that bump up against all of my limits. The ones that remind me that I really can’t do it all, that juggling really isn’t my thing, and that there are really only 24 hours in a day.
Today I yelled too much. I let the little things get to me. I made you peanut butter and jelly for dinner. I microwaved my salmon…and I left all of the dishes in the kitchen.
I usually feel proud that I am a mother, a wife, a full time student, a Guardian ad Litem, and an employee all wrapped up in one busy body. Because sometimes people elect to be just one of those things and it is enough. But days like this one force me to remember that I don’t really get to do my best at any one thing, because I do so many things. And that I have to be okay with that.
At least these days are only one day long, and tomorrow starts anew. I know that my fortunes surely outnumber my grievances, and that even my deepest sources of frustration are blessings denied to many.
I also am sure that my many responsibilities will still be there tomorrow…and I’ll have my cape ready.
