I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.
But we will likely think of each other on this day for the rest of our lives.
This fateful date, when our otherwise completely separate lives came crashing together.
No, I haven’t forgotten, nor will I ever. The feeling torments us too. I think of you every night before I sleep. Sometimes, I wish I could make it stop. Other times I am afraid that I will let myself forget. But all of the time, I wait in fear for karma to punish me.
My husband couldn’t bring himself to go to work today. I know that he is the villain in your story, but I promise that he is no monster. He carries the weight like an invisible boulder, shackled to him everyday.
I process all of this knowing… that it is nothing compared to the agony you’ve endured. I promise you, I pray for your peace of mind, your healing, I mentally beg for your forgiveness. I tear my mind apart asking “why?” But I am sure that you have too.
I promise that I think of your broken family, as I hold on to my own. I don’t understand it, anymore than you do. I throw my knees to ground, my eyes to the sky, and look for the same answers as you, but find no reprieve. I question my worth as I see the sun each day.
You may take solace knowing, that our lives are also haunted. I try to imagine the many wonderful qualities that I am sure he possessed. I strive to believe that his years of happiness were plenty, and that he is comfortably watching you from a better place.
But we know only what our imaginations culminate, and sometimes I am sure that mine could distort even the deepest pits of hell.
I can’t imagine the kind of sorrow that this day must bring for you. But I am thinking of you. As a fellow wife and mother I ache for you, and I always will.
No, I haven’t forgotten, nor will I ever.