Moms Need to Leave the House too

“They’re so well behaved!” she said. The cashier at the mall was smiling while my children literally chased each other around the store.

You see, they found a chunky locket in the jewelry section. And just like that they were submerged in the world of Moana, returning the lost heart to the scary volcano woman. Only the racks of $100 jeans were the volcano woman. Of course.

I’m still not sure if she was serious or not. I suppose by “well behaved” she meant that they were playing together nicely. She must not have seen Jace ditch Zoey at the top of the escalator (that she is too afraid to ride on by herself) and laugh as he descended without her while she screamed in absolute horror. I was carrying a stroller down the escalator so I was basically helpless. Jace saw an opportunity to make his sister cry and he took it. Of course.

No worries though. A nice older hispanic man walked up and offered his hand to help her down, and she took it! All previous warnings about Stranger Danger out the window. Apparently the potential of being kidnapped is less terrifying than riding an escalator alone. Ugh.

But the cashier’s gentle acceptance of my wild children did prompt me to stay in the store long enough to purchase some stuff while I was there. Many other store attendees should take notice of that! Because sometimes a mom of 3 needs to buy a damn shirt, and she doesn’t always have a sitter for such matters.

Moms have to go places too. And sometimes with 3 small children ish can get a little crazy! I also refuse to be the mom that stuffs a screen in my kids’ faces every time we go out to make them behave…so sometimes we look like a traveling circus. Fine with me…I barely hear them anymore.

Sidenote: I’m totally not hating on the mom that lets her kid play games on her iPhone. Screen time is definitely not outlawed in our house either. 

In my 6 years as a mother, I have encountered the occasional person that looks at you like you’re just supposed to stay locked up at home until your kids go off to college.

But I am here to tell you that I would quite literally lose my sh*t if I didn’t get out of this house. And since I’m rocking this whole stay at home mom thing for now…that means I have to bring the troops with me.

I have found that the trick is to bring them to places where the asshole dirty-look-givers are outnumbered by other moms.

Even if they are moms of now grown children – they get you. They sympathize with you. They want to sniff your new baby more than they want your unruly 6 year old to stop hiding in clothing racks. Because they know that these years are short, even while you stand their feeling like the day will never end.

OR take them to a place where they are likely to be the ONLY kids.

This one is particularly fun for me. Because the people around usually don’t know how to react to their rowdy demeanor. They’re just so thrown off by their presence that they let you carry on with your wildlings while silently promising to have zero kids ever.

For example, we wanted to visit the Coors Brewery here in Denver. So we packed our baby up in his Tula carrier and All 3 of them. On a beer tour. Why not?

PS They totally offer Pepsi products inside in lieu of the free beers for the 21+ers. There’s also trains that run through he facility. Major cool points from the kiddos, Coors.

Better still, bring them to a place that is swarmed with kids.

Like the play place in the mall. Most parents in this place are equally immune to the crazy. We frequent mall play places, because winter. And because we’re from Florida and we get cold here in Colorado. haha.

Yesterday, Zoey approached us crying (as she usually does at some point) saying that a “big kid” punched her. Josh asked which kid, and she said that she didn’t know. To my frustration and against my advice; Josh told her to punch him back if he did it again. (Insert mom scold here.)

Later a little boy (notably NOT a “big kid”) came over to his dad crying. Zoey had walked right up to him and nailed him right in the face. I know, because she proudly told us so. So dad then, had to unteach said lesson. And I was half prepared for one really pissed off parent.

Instead, he joked about us adding an asian child to our clan because his son was nuts too (and they were Cambodian.) And we all laughed. I feel so much better about this life when I am in the company of other people who understand my crazy. They’re in the trenches too.

So next time you’re standing in the middle of the grocery store and one kid is crying and one is poking holes in the raw meat saran wrap, just remember that you’re not alone. I’m here to bet you money that my circus has way more monkeys than yours.