If you know me, it is no great secret that I am a hater of change. Even good changes, I resist initially. I know it makes no sense. I like to keep things in my life consistent and unequivocally in my control. I’m not necessarily referring to spontaneous day trips with the fam or exploring the world (I live for those things) but as far as my daily life’s routine, I like to keep things consistent.
And here I am in the midst / on the brink of about a million life changes. My first baby is finally starting “big boy school.” Gone are the days of unlimited time and unrestricted schedules. The days of “mommy and me” where I could limit his exposures and experiences to those that I allowed within the walls of my home are now only memories to become watered down and fade with time.
My “baby” girl will soon become a middle child, and she has never existed in a world unguided by her older brother. I sense her anxiety in regards to the matter already. When we mention that Jace will be gone at school most of the day she insists on going to school too. I’m hoping that her enthusiasm in regards to becoming a big sister will keep her excited about being at home. I also hope that it will foster a bond between her and Baby 3, as I worry that he or she will lack the close (understatement) relationship that Jace and Zoey share.
Also, there is the whole I am growing an entire other child in my belly thing. I truly feel that I am in no way stressed enough about this. I think keeping the gender a secret has made it feel less real and I have done very little to prepare. Maybe I have myself convinced that I am an expert by the third one, and reality will soon come along and prove how terribly wrong that I am. haha! It’s so weird to think that this is my last baby. That an entire season of my life will have passed. I spent a lot of my youth in this “when I have kids” mentality, and here I am, three kids deep, just waiting to feel old and wise enough to be a good mother!
I am also leaving my location at work, which has been a constant in my life for nearly 9 years. Since I was 17 years old, I have had the comfort of my work fam to fall back on. Now I will still have my close friends, but it will feel weird to start again somewhere new.
And that’s literally only about half of what I have keeping me awake at night! Some of it is just down right exciting (like our impending trip to Colorado!) And as someone who hates change as much as I do, here’s how I’m dealing with a world-turned-upside-down. (Will Smith voice) 😉
I’m choosing to see it as an opportunity to grow.
Sure, consistency is great, most of the time even…but when it comes down to it, you can only go so far while standing in the same place. Ya feel me? So whether it’s trying out a new location at work, exploring a new city, or gracing the world with another one of my freakishly adorable children (ahem)…all of these upcoming events are potential bundles of awesome sauce just waiting to happen.
I’m choosing to focus on what I may gain as opposed to what I’m giving up.
My discomfort in regards to change stems from lamenting what I may lose in the shuffle. All that is to be gained remains an unknown in the beginning, making this part tricky for people like me. 😉 Some things, I am not even sad to be giving up. I’m focusing on the excitement of new beginnings instead of the bitter-sweetness of old doors now closing.
Let it gooooo.
I am no longer contributing to things that don’t contribute to me. It sounds selfish when put so bluntly, but in the end, it’s kind of what we all have to do in life. I’m going to let go of the things that just aren’t serving me anymore. I’m letting go of the good, the bad, and the ugly, and just moving forward.
All of this is easier said than done, but I am putting some serious effort into it! Most of life’s changes I bring about on my own, and I still resists them at first! Here is to practicing accepting this aspect of life with an optimistic attitude. 😀