So today is the day. Tonight, my oldest child goes to bed a four year old and wakes up…you guessed it, a five year old. I am having quite a time with this. As I do every year. I am one of those mothers who wants to keep their babies small forever.
Like, how on earth do I have a five year old?? God, it just went SO fast. Everybody warns you that that will happen. It’s so crazy. Sometimes, he doesn’t even wake me up in the morning anymore. He just goes and watches tv until I get up. Let’s be real, this is an awesome development… but I can’t help but feel sad that he is so independent.
Jace’s birthdays, as he is my oldest, always bring on a slew of emotions. These emotions go on to duke it out inside my over tired, coffee jacked, mom brain. And they come out as a a list that looks something like this;
- OMG I have a five year old. I am NOT old enough to have a five year old.
Well, by some standards, I’m really not old enough. But by other standards I’m pretty average aged. I have a whole tangent about how the social structure of American family holds women back, including what is considered the “acceptable” age to have children, but I’ll leave that for another day. 😉 I’ll just say, that having children when I did, actually worked out perfectly for me. Even better than if I had waited a few years.
- Have I really had stretch marks for FIVE whole years, already?
I don’t know what else to say about this. -_- My genetics and sensitive skin did not work in my favor here. I rock my bikinis anyways. Where is the normalize stretch marks movement?! HAHA!
- Damn, I guess so. Someone should buy me cake too, for my sacrifices.
Seriously. Nothing makes you feel better about the weight gain associated with motherhood than more food.
- Whoa. Jace will remember this stuff now.
Jace is finally at the age where I am sure that he will remember things now, for the rest of his life. Is it weird that I consciously think about these things? I remember being five. I seriously need to step up my mom game now. These are memories that last a lifetime.
- Does that mean that I should stop letting him shower with me?
Yeah, that isn’t going to happen, yet. Sorry dude, if I scar you for life, but you just can’t beat the convenience of showering myself and a child at the same time. If everyone wants bathed daily, we’re sharing.
- The various typical emotional mom thoughts.
“Am I doing this whole motherhood thing right?” “I should have read to him more.” “I should have made my own baby food.” “I wish I had made more home videos.” I am always caught in the thought process, as I believe most moms are, that I somehow did not do enough. Despite my incessant efforts to do everything 150%, I still somehow fell short. I am sometimes overwhelmed by the inevitable passage of time. A fear that has been acutely exacerbated by having children. Go figure.
No matter what, at the end of the day/stretch marks aside, October the 26th will be Jace’s day for the rest of my life. He came when I was 20 years old, ready or not, and has been the light of my life ever since.
My daughter’s birthday is next week. And they will share a birthday party this coming weekend. I am SO excited for their birthday party, as I always am. It’s always a task to try and come up with a gender neutral theme. Make sure you check back for deets on the fiesta! OR follow my “fiestas” board on Pinterest and you’ll probably figure it out. 😉