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Children, Jace, Motherhood

What I am Actually Thinking on my Oldest Child’s Birthday

Things that i am actually thinking on my oldest child's birthday

So today is the day. Tonight, my oldest child goes to bed a four year old and wakes up…you guessed it, a five year old. I am having quite a time with this. As I do every year. I am one of those mothers who wants to keep their babies small forever. 

Like, how on earth do I have a five year old?? God, it just went SO fast. Everybody warns you that that will happen. It’s so crazy. Sometimes, he doesn’t even wake me up in the morning anymore. He just goes and watches tv until I get up. Let’s be real, this is an awesome development… but I can’t help but feel sad that he is so independent.

Jace’s birthdays, as he is my oldest, always bring on a slew of emotions. These emotions go on to duke it out inside my over tired, coffee jacked, mom brain. And they come out as a a list that looks something like this;

  1. OMG I have a five year old. I am NOT old enough to have a five year old.
    Well, by some standards, I’m really not old enough. But by other standards I’m pretty average aged. I have a whole tangent about how the social structure of American family holds women back, including what is considered the “acceptable” age to have children, but I’ll leave that for another day. 😉 I’ll just say, that having children when I did, actually worked out perfectly for me. Even better than if I had waited a few years.
  2. Have I really had stretch marks for FIVE whole years, already?
    I don’t know what else to say about this. -_- My genetics and sensitive skin did not work in my favor here. I rock my bikinis anyways. Where is the normalize stretch marks movement?! HAHA!
  3. Damn, I guess so. Someone should buy me cake too, for my sacrifices.
    Seriously. Nothing makes you feel better about the weight gain associated with motherhood than more food.
  4. Whoa. Jace will remember this stuff now.
    Jace is finally at the age where I am sure that he will remember things now, for the rest of his life. Is it weird that I consciously think about these things? I remember being five. I seriously need to step up my mom game now. These are memories that last a lifetime.
  5. Does that mean that I should stop letting him shower with me?
    Yeah, that isn’t going to happen, yet. Sorry dude, if I scar you for life, but you  just can’t beat the convenience of showering myself and a child at the same time. If everyone wants bathed daily, we’re sharing.
  6. The various typical emotional mom thoughts.
    “Am I doing this whole motherhood thing right?” “I should have read to him more.” “I should have made my own baby food.” “I wish I had made more home videos.” I am always caught in the thought process, as I believe most moms are, that I somehow did not do enough. Despite my incessant efforts to do everything 150%, I still somehow fell short. I am sometimes overwhelmed by the inevitable passage of time. A fear that has been acutely exacerbated by having children. Go figure.

No matter what, at the end of the day/stretch marks aside, October the 26th will be Jace’s day for the rest of my life. He came when I was 20 years old, ready or not, and has been the light of my life ever since.

My daughter’s birthday is next week. And they will share a birthday party this coming weekend. I am SO excited for their birthday party, as I always am. It’s always a task to try and come up with a gender neutral theme. Make sure you check back for deets on the fiesta! OR follow my “fiestas” board on Pinterest and you’ll probably figure it out. 😉

 

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  • I can totally relate – where does time go?!? My little boys turn 3 yrs and 1 yr this month! Happy Birthday to your sweet boy! Excited to hear the party details! 🙂

  • I can totally relate – where does time go?!? My little boys turn 3 yrs and 1 yr this month! Happy Birthday to your sweet boy! Excited to hear the party details! 🙂

  • I had my daughter at 20 too (she turns six next week) and I only recently stopped showering her with me… so you still have some time on that.. happy birthday to him!

  • I had my daughter at 20 too (she turns six next week) and I only recently stopped showering her with me… so you still have some time on that.. happy birthday to him!

  • Lisa

    You do deserve a cake! Happy birth day! 🙂

  • Lisa

    You do deserve a cake! Happy birth day! 🙂

  • Happy birthday to your little guy! It’s a milestone for the both of you!

  • Happy birthday to your little guy! It’s a milestone for the both of you!

  • I totally think moms should be celebrated around kids birthdays because we do a lot of work to get them here! And we’re left with the stretch marks to prove it 😉

  • I totally think moms should be celebrated around kids birthdays because we do a lot of work to get them here! And we’re left with the stretch marks to prove it 😉

  • Heather Gullett Denniston

    So precious and I love your humorous self-reflection!

  • Heather Gullett Denniston

    So precious and I love your humorous self-reflection!

  • Happy birthday to the little one! And stretch marks are just the proof that you brought something AMAZING into this world that has changed your life for the better forever. Be proud of those warrior stripes. 😉

  • Happy birthday to the little one! And stretch marks are just the proof that you brought something AMAZING into this world that has changed your life for the better forever. Be proud of those warrior stripes. 😉

  • Shann Eva

    Awe. Happy Birthday little guy! My oldest just turned 6, and I still can’t believe it. If you figure out how to slow them down, you let me know.

  • Shann Eva

    Awe. Happy Birthday little guy! My oldest just turned 6, and I still can’t believe it. If you figure out how to slow them down, you let me know.

  • Aww, congrats! It’s crazy to think that he’ll really be remembering a lot of this stuff for the rest of his life. No pressure, right? 😉

  • Aww, congrats! It’s crazy to think that he’ll really be remembering a lot of this stuff for the rest of his life. No pressure, right? 😉

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