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“At least you’re married & you have kids…”



Okay… I am having a hard time {{freaking out}} with the fact that my next birthday marks a quarter of a century on this earth. And whenever {{often}} my like-aged friends and I start up a conversation and laugh about how “we’re so oldddd….” blah blah blah… I am ALWAYS, always, always, confronted with “yeah… but at least you’re married and have kids already!” by a single or non-mom companion.

Okay. Like, are you kidding me? Suddenly the fact that I was pregnant by 19 is something that I can check off of my life’s list of accomplishments? So I was imagining all those dirty looks I got back in the day? Those must not have been dirty looks… they were looks of approval, from people thinking… “oh good, at least she’s pregnant. If she accomplishes nothing else in her life… at least she’s fertile.” Okay, I understand that that is overreacting, and that isn’t what people really mean. But in essence, it is what they are saying.

To be clear, I am not taking anything away from the blessings that my children are. I am not ungrateful for my ability to bear healthy children. The fact that this is a blessing denied to many is not lost on me. But when a young woman, who has a business degree and a job and the world in her freaking hands looks me in the eyes and tells me that she feels that I have accomplished more as a woman than she, because well, “at least I’m married and I have kids!” UGH it just sets women back decades!

NO my friend, your list of accolades does not fall short to those of my uterus. Your life can be bright and shining and fruitful no matter how you decide to live it. Please do not let society tell you that you must aspire to become “at least” a mother or wife. Because I did not stop endeavoring to be something more when life made me a mommy. And don’t let our culture tell you for a second that it makes me less of a mother, because I am a great mother. I love my children harder and deeper than I could ever love myself.

Women of the world, PLEASE, I beg you, to see motherhood as the beautiful gift and privilege that it is. Not as the limit or set of standards by which you measure the value of your life. Being a mother becomes a part of who you are, but it doesn’t take away from┬áthe wealth of all of the other things you decide to do! Just as a mother dreaming beyond the realm of “at least motherhood” doesn’t take anything away from how successful a mother she is.

To be clear a second time, {{because we know the internet is a place where any stone that is left unturned, can and will be used to publicly scorn and stone you to death}} I also am not trying to steal any glory from the housewife or stay at home mom, or the woman who dreams of nothing more than to be a mom. Because for these women, they probably don’t consider themselves an “at least” mom or wife. Some people pursued their own dreams prior to having their children, some people chose to wait until after their kids are grown. The fact remains that the fullness of your life is not defined in terms of “at least.” The perspective is of your choosing.

Forge on my fellow uterus-havers! Do not confine yourself to a life of “at least” no matter the path you choose.


This post partied at: The Mom 2 Mom Monday Link-Up.


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