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Balancing Mommy and Myself

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I have been working on my Bachelor’s degree… since 3 months after graduating high school. Like most people, I went off to college right after graduation. Unlike a lot of people… I haven’t finished yet. I’ve also never stopped going. As in… I’m still riding on my original acceptance from back in ::cough::cough:: 2008.

Now people, 2008 was a lifetime ago. And I don’t mean that like I’m so old and decrepit at the ripe old age of 24. No… I just simply mean that there is ALOT of life between me and 2008. A lot of diapers, sippy cups, bubble baths (& no not for me!,) and bedtime stories. A lot less sleep than your average college kid, a lot of pairs of jeans that don’t fit anymore, and some stretch marks too.

While I have never stopped attending college over all these years, this semester is my first time back on the main campus full time. And since I’m attending a University, the same University that my 18 year old self excitedly wandered… I share a hallway the hundreds of….kids. I know it sounds funny for me to say that… it even sounds funny to me… but that’s what they are!!!

I don’t know if I have a complex of some kind or not… but it feels so weird to share a classroom with people who seem miles away from me on the road of life. I can see myself in their eyes, I remember being them. I remember recognizing people in the hallways, and hanging out with them in their dorms. Now a whole ‘nother generation has moved in. It just feels weird, okay!? lol

But another element exists to this concept as well. No one knows me here. I walk around feeling like I stick out like a sore thumb… like I have “MOM” stamped on my forehead… but I don’t. Most people actually look pretty shocked when I tell them. I don’t know if I should be offended or not? haha! Sometimes… I get to be kind of like my old self again…just talk about school and my ambitions and not have people look at me like my two kids are some kind of boulder anchoring me place, because they aren’t.

I have so much of my self worth tied up in my education that I could never allow myself not to finish. I couldn’t do it to my kids. I desire so deeply to show them that they didn’t cut me short of anything. I didn’t just give up all of my big dreams when plans went astray, because I would never want that for them. I want them to know that I was able to make being the best mom I could be, part of myself. Not that I lost myself to the title of “Mom.”

 

But, I have officially progressed  so far in the course of my degree that I can’t take transient classes at the local state college anymore, and I’ve taken most of the relevant online classes that they offer. So off to school I go… to prove the haters and the statistics all wrong. 🙂

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